Sharon and Marco - Our Story
Written on December 12, 2004

My husband Tony and I conceived in October of 2003. I immediately started having tell-tale signs that I was expecting, but my husband was not as easily convinced. I took a pregnancy test on November 5th and gave my Dad a birthday present one day late, I was pregnant with his sixth grandchild. Everyone was so excited, especially Tony and I. We had only been married 6 months at this point. We wanted to try and get pregnant right away and were pleasantly surprised that it had happened so quickly!

We then embarked on a picture perfect pregnancy. I never experienced any morning sickness, nausea or anything for that matter. I did have three days in a row when I had migraine like headaches but I certainly didn't complain. My younger sister had been severely sick throughout the course of her first pregnancy and my older sister had miscarried a baby so I just thanked God every night for allowing me to be doing as well as I was.

I heard the heartbeat when I went to my first appointment at 9 weeks and the doctor was very surprised to hear it. "I must be carrying a very strong baby" was what she said. From then on my appointments went on without a hitch. My measurements were always right on the money and my weight gain was minimal (18 pounds throughout the whole pregnancy). I continued to feel great and my doctors were very pleased with my development.

It was recommended that I go for a Level II Ultrasound because of my age (35 at delivery) and so my husband and I made the journey across town one day in February. Of course we were given all of the other options at that time as well. We opted out of more blood tests and the amnio as Tony and I both felt strongly that we would not do anything different if we found the baby had something "wrong". The doctor who did the Level II was also very positive and told us that everything looked "normal". Watching our little one on the screen was the most amazing experience I had ever had up until that point in my life. Although my husband wanted to find out the sex, I did not and so it remained a secret!

Fast forward to Wednesday, June 23rd. I begin feeling Braxton Hicks contractions through the course of the day and as the next days went on, I felt them more regularly. By Friday the 25th, I was having contractions throughout the day and I was beginning to feel back pain. I didn't say anything to my husband, but I did tell my Mom. Although this was my first baby, I knew my little one was coming and it was coming two and a half weeks early. That evening I went to Home Depot with my husband any my brother Jimmy. We were going to buy a grill for the new deck we had built on the house. As I strolled the aisles waiting for them to make just the right choice I was stopped in my tracks on more than one occasion by the intensity of my contractions. I joked with my brother on the way home to take it easy on the hills and bumps or I would be delivering in his pick-up. We then went home and had our first official cookout on the grill and deck and all the while my contractions were getting closer (still I said nothing to Tony).

Many nights through out my final weeks I had slept on the couch in the living room for comfort and that night was no exception. My contractions continued to become more regular and stronger. I never woke Tony because I knew that they were not quite close enough. Finally, I realized that I better get back into the bedroom and time the things because they were very close. Sure enough they were about five minutes apart and then before I could even wake Tony, my water broke. I called the answering service and we were on our way!

We arrived at the hospital about 5:00am and were in a labor/delivery room by 6:00am. It was then a long and painful process until I reached the point where I could get my epidural, 11:30am. I still took forever to completely dilate and did not hit 10cm until 7:55pm. Next came the easy part, I pushed a series of four pushes and out came my baby at 8:11pm. My husband beamed with pride as he told me it was a boy. The joy in both of our hearts was insurmountable. They took our little boy to do their thing and he weighed in at 5lbs 13ozs and measured 19.5 inches. They brought my Marco to me and I immediately said to the nurse "Is he OK?" She said that he certainly was and I should be pleased with my hard work. I asked her again if he was ok because "His eyes look like he has Down Syndrome." I looked to my husband and to this day I can picture his face as I took away the joy he had just had a moment ago. The nurse continued to insist that Marco was fine. She had looked him over and didn't see any other signs of Down Syndrome.

The rest of the evening went the way any evening does following the birth of a baby. Unfortunately for me 3 out of four of my siblings were out of town, never expecting me to have a baby so soon. Two of them were on their way back to town though and eventually made it to the hospital. I talked to my parents briefly about my gut feeling, but at this point the nurse was the only one who I had talked to it about it and she had insisted he was fine. In my heart I knew otherwise. Everyone left and it was just the three of us. I asked my husband to stay because I thought we would get different news later that night. We didn't really talk about it!

The nurse came to take Marco to the nursery as I had opted to have him sleep there so I could get a good night sleep after everything. She said she would be back in fifteen minutes to help me get to the bathroom and I shouldn't move until then. When she still wasn't back over an hour later, I began to worry.
She came back in and said that they had to take Marco to the NICU as his blood oxygen level was low as well as his body temperature. She said that it was nothing to be worried about and that he would be fine. She also said that she had mentioned my concerns about Down Syndrome to the pediatrician on call and that she would look Marco over and come to talk to me that night. It was 1:12am when she came in to tell me what I already knew. It looked as though Marco had Down Syndrome and she had ordered the genetic testing and he would have an echo the following day. I immediately begin to pray that my boys heart was healthy, amidst my very heavy sobs.

I called my Mom and talked for a long time and it helped me a lot. My husband and I didn't say much because I don't think we knew what to say. I was feeling like I had failed him by giving him a child who was not what we had expected. We were thrown into a whole different world than the one we thought we would be in. The nursing staff at the hospital was tremendous and my ob/gyn practice was as well. I look back and think of all the support we had in those first few days, it amazes me still.

Marco had his echo the next day and my prayers were answered. He did have a small whole, but nothing at all to be concerned about is what the cardiologist felt. He spent 3 days in the NICU getting his blood oxygen and body temperature regulated. The hardest thing I think to this day was when I had to be released but couldn't take Marco with me. I sobbed the entire way home and couldn't understand why God had not made it so that I had my baby with me as most mothers do. Marco was then moved to the pediatric care unit and I was able to stay with him in the room:-) Those first days alone in the hospital were hard. My husband and I were apart from each other, dealing with things alone. Then I though it was horrible, but now I realize that it was probably better. We both mourn in very different ways, and we were able to mourn the loss of our 'typical' child in ways we needed to. When we did come together during the days it seemed to always work out perfectly because I would have a bad moment when he was strong and I would be strong when he was having a bad moment.

Oddly enough, my best friend Krissy has a son with Down Syndrome as well, and I was able to find comfort in her. Krissy asked me if I remembered asking her if she felt anything weird when she was carrying Zachary, her son with Down Syndrome. When I think about that I wonder if perhaps God was prepping me, because in retrospect I had many of those moments where I thought something might be different. To this day, no one can understand HOW I noticed Marco's DS right away, because you certainly can't see it for looking most of the time.

Everyone was so fabulous and I thank them all for that. I do remember learning to hate the phrases, "God knew what he was doing when he gave Marco such a special Mommy and Daddy" and "God only gives you what you can handle!" UGH those words begin to go through me like nails on a chalk board.
I came to grips with everything rather quickly. I don't know if it was because I saw it right away and as result started my grieving process right away or if it is the fact that I have an early childhood degree and that I knew I could help Marco in so many ways others would not even begin to know. Either way, I begin to feel good very quickly about the angel that God had sent me.

One of those first nights as my husband and I lay in the dark trying to sort out our feelings, my husband said something that will forever stay in my mind. See, my husbands only brother Marco (thus our guys name) passed away 11 years ago. Tony felt that Big Marco had gone to God and discussed our situation. He felt that Big Marco told God that his big brother Tony was married to a very special lady who could do so many wonderful things with a special baby. Perhaps God should send his brother Tony and his wife a special baby to take care of. Lucky for us God listened and gave to us our angel Marco. Our angel Marco has a big angel Marco who is always by his side!

All of these things certainly made it easier, but as you know the moments still came over me many times. Now Marco is almost 6 months old and I wonder were all the time has gone. My heart has healed and I have come to learn the beauty and miracle that is life. I occasionally cry still, but it always out of fear for my abilities to do right by Marco. can I be the mother so many know I will be?

I often think back to my first office visit at 9 weeks when I first heard my little ones heart. The doctor told me then that I was carrying a strong baby and I know she couldn't even begin to realize how right she was. Marco has amazed all of us everyday. His developmental therapist feels silly coming she says as he is doing everything he should be doing. He begin to hold his head up while on his belly when he was only 5 weeks olds and hasn't stopped yet! Of course I know that there are going to be obstacles, but that is the case with every child, is it not? My guy has taught me so many things about life already and his persistence in trying to learn things has certainly been an inspiration to me. I dream about Marco's life and look forward to helping him continue to learn and grow. Most importantly though, I look forward to having him help me learn and grow!